I think possibly the only thing I will miss about being pregnant besides the baby being incredibly portable right now, is talking so flippantly about the state of my cervix and some of these fucking hysterical terms that go with pregnancy. Let me list a few along with what I find so funny about them.
Effaced This has something to do with the cervix widening or thinning out or some such but every time I hear it it makes me think of “shit faced”. I picture some frat boy types saying it like “Duuuudes my cervix is like sooooo effaced right now”
Braxton Hicks contraction I don’t even know where the name for these ‘practice’ contractions came from. Was Braxton Hicks the name of the Dr. who figured out these are the contractions that get you ready for the real thing? It’s just such a weird name – sounds like an old timey traveling salemen to me, not a medical term.
Bloody Show I know the natural reaction to this one might make one think of some kind of horror movie or snuff film, but not to me. I hear it in an English accent like “Then she put on a bloody show carrying on for everyone”.
Mucous plug Ok, this one is actually just gross but the funny part for me is Jon’s face every time I utter the phrase – or the way he held up his hands and shook his head when I started to explain what it is and how ‘passing it’ is a sign of early labor.