So, yeah. It’s not like I expected my belly to be the only thing getting bigger during this pregnancy. Please! One of the first things I noticed about my rapidly changing body were that those little fat deposits under my armpits doubled at as rapid a rate as my boobs did. Just call me Sargent Chicken Wing!
But sweet jebus the size of my ass is reaching alarming proportions. You know how I know? My favorite low rise cotton bikini underwear from Marks & Sparks no longer offer adequate coverage. And those regular bikini’s that were a size too big? Yeah, they fit perfectly. My sister once mentioned ‘maternity underwear’ to me and I perished the thought. I mean hey, I’m not trying to rock those “cheeky little panties” that Victoria’s Secret is marketing to me with there 5,000 catalogs a month. Surely my modest comfy cotton panties would last through this pregnancy. Right?!? Right?!? WRONG!!!
And another thing I notice, which I’m pretty sure is only gonna get worse is that I can no longer navigate my ass (myself) around things. Mind you I’m blaming pregnancy for seriously fucking with my depth perception and giving me some shitty eyesight as well. But for real, there could be 5 feet between a wall and a chair, and somehow, while walking through that gap I will probably bump my ass into either the wall or the chair.
Jon hasn’t seemed to notice this phenomenon yet, and if he has, he hasn’t commented on it yet. What a smart man I married! Or maybe he like’s it.
All together now….
” I like big butts and I cannot lie…you other brothers can deny…”
Thank you Sir Mix-a-lot