Bitch fest

37 weeks today. And I’m huge now. There are just a few things I would like to complain about right now.

First: Has anybody seen my feet?? Because I sure haven’t. Put out an APB on my feet. Actually, scratch that because I don’t actually want to see them. They are so swollen it’s gone beyond grandma feet and cankles. I now am the proud owner of a pair of balloons where my feet used to be. And they are rejecting shoes. Even my widest most comfortable shoes burst at the seams now. Flip flops are becoming uncomfortable. I might have to stop working early just based on the fact that I can’t wear shoes anymore. I knew I was close to insanity when I had the thought on the train home today that crocs might be appropriate footwear for me right now. Crocs are NEVER appropriate. Please, someone close to me, no matter how swollen and miserable my feet become over these next few weeks please do not let me wear crocs under any circumstances

Second: I can’t feel my fucking fingers very often anymore. Tingly numb fingers and apparently the only thing I can do to alleviate this is deliver the baby. No amount of stretching or gentle yoga gets that circulation back.

Third: My upstairs neighbor whose apartment is under perpetual construction is banging away on god knows what right now and it has been going on since I’ve gotten home. And it’s not like hanging a picture banging or putting up shelves banging it’s like tearing down a wall banging. We’ve lived here for 5 years and she’s been doing heavy duty construction on the place since we moved in. Seriously, it’s a 2 br apt WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU RENNOVATING??

Finally: I am so fucking tired of wearing pants! I hate pants!! Putting pants on is like a major production. Yet they don’t seem to make maternity dresses that aren’t the ugliest color in the world. And if they do, they are always sold out. And since I only have 3 weeks left I feel that ordering something online would be foolish at this point. So I would also like to take this opportunity to bitch out: Target and Old Navy for not having big enough maternity sections and/or not stocking enough of the few items they carry and also: Motherhood maternity: fuck you for being so expensive and having only dresses in ugly colors or patterns.

I would complain about the sleep problem but my Dr. told me today that it’s okay to take one Tylenol pm a night as long as I haven’t had any regular Tylenol during the day. So thank you anonymous commenter below for that recommendation. I only wish I knew about this a month ago! But, perhaps I will have less to bitch about if I am getting a decent nights sleep.

On an exciting note: after my ordeal on Saturday my Dr. wants me to get another ultrasound to check the baby’s growth (I’m not sure why because she’s been telling me I have a big baby in there for the past few appointments but I guess as a precaution) . So we’ll be going Monday for this and it should be exciting to see our pretty much full grown baby in there! I hope she waves to us!

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One Response to Bitch fest

  1. Anonymous says:

    Ha, I was the anonymous commenter! I was just too tired to log in to my wordpress account before posting. I wish you had known about the Tylenol PM months ago too!

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